sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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