im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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