I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
