My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
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