The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Randomize
