omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
