Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
