He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Randomize
