wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
