I haven't been this sober since birth.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
i think i just lost a toe
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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