I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
