If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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