You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Randomize
