The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Randomize
