i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize