Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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