i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
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