Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Randomize
