His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
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