My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Randomize
