I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Randomize