dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
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