if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Randomize
