A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
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