forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
