I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Randomize
