what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
it's great music for shaving your balls
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
