id be glad to
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
My bed smells like the plague
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