...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
