I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
