areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize