make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
