I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
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