woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
