I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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