so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
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