You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
