I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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