I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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