i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
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