I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize