He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
