Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
