i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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