my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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