Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
