my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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