There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
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