the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Randomize
