i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Life without a bra equals bliss.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
