i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize