I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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