well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Randomize
