Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
