There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize