You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
My life is pants optional.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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