She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
