just come out here and I will go home with you...
it was like his penis was on wheels.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
