can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
