If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
