i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Randomize
