I want to walk on stilts...naked
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
