She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Randomize
