My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
