Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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