this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
