He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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