Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
