Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
