I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
that may or may not have been my penis.
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