Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
