Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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