So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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