i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
