but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
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