My friends, they love my intelligence
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Randomize