I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
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