One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Randomize
