I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
