he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
