plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
