The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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