My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
