Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize