This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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