Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
