So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
