you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
