Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
