this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Randomize
