Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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