Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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