I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
Randomize
