Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
