We're facebook friends in real life
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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