all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
we're so committed to being not committed
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
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