There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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