Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
