Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I want you more than these girls want KFC
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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