He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize