she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
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