doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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