So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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