if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Randomize
