Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
